Hermit in the City

Dear Bangas, Happy Anniversary dear angels ! for many more happy ones to come... Miracles may also have a chance...MAYBE... I plan sometimes
 But things don’t seem right
 I want things my way sometimes but things don’t seem right
 I work hard put in my heart and soul but funnily at the end
  it doesn’t seem right 
 And then the turmoil, the questions, the doubts
 The storms of emotions,
 The absence of solace and peace
 The rope of unending questions, as they throttle me...oh god I need some peace, some sanity please... i cry, i shout, i curse, i beg... Senseless & numb...that’s it for Now!
 And then
 There is this time when I’ve nailed it almost unconsciously, the time I least expected, maybe that’s the time i should be happy?!
 Funnily the mind still plays its tricks 
 Do i deserve this? 
 Or is it mere luck
 Will i live upto it again
 Oh my god these questions find no end?
 The doubts appear anyway, leaving more quest

Dear Manish, Happy Birthday ! This one is dedicated to you. I don’t want to be a banker dad...I shouted Outraged i slammed the door and stormed to the lotus pond, where I immediately felt at peace And the last few months, I saw myself spending time at the pond, more than ever An escape or a sincere effort to find solace I knew not
 One thing was sure - the plans made by my parents charting my future were definitely not mine. Neither being a banker and definitely not marrying a boy chosen by my father My dreams and aspirations were still cooking and the passion in my heart was feeding it Far from seeking security, my dreams seeked passion and truth, Arish felt the same and that’s why we clicked, another reason my parents were not so pleased with me. I wondered if i was really their child, my dreams began where their worries started and though i treaded that path cautiously where i skillfully managed to keep my family happy, There was a shift when i turned 17

The streets of Hyderabad wrote me a letter saying that they were happy to host the festival Bonnalu, that just concluded, but they don't seem very pleased with all the litter we have left behind. So here is what the streets think. During Bonnalu the streets was an utter roit of colors and emotions,there was loud music, the streets were all decorated with lights and flowers and what a sight to see all the women dressed up taking offerings to mother divine - milk, jaggery and rice, that they place on their heads, all in a pot and the pot is covered with neem leaves. (would be easier if I just put up a pic, well let me see…) Found it... Apparently this festival originated because its the Ashad Maas, according to the hindu lunar calendar and thats when we have rains and water pollution and children falling sick. So these women, specially from slums decided that every year they go and pray to mother divine to protect their children in particular and family in general. As a

Loosing a close one is like loosing a part of yourself, its quite an intense process and the internal churning one goes through can be quite daunting and in-expressible. However with the pace that we live life and with the super intervention of technology, we are taking longer than before to truly heal and truly move on. Though I speak of closure wrt to demise of a close one, I mean to share about it as an issue in general. As i sat observing myself go through a sea of emotions at my granny's prayer ceremony, it felt very mixed. Some part of me had moved on in a year, so I was more at ease thinking of her, but when so many members of the family came together to pray, that feeling left me over-whelmed. As I allowed myself the freedom to think of her, without resisting I was surprised the way my mind totally let go and churned in emotions and as I continued being with them, there was this point where they transformed into pure love and it engulfed everyone around. I remembe